Dealing With Anxiety Post Lockdown

Photo by Tonik on Unsplash

The pandemic wasn’t the easiest for anyone- especially those that live alone.

But what people forget is we also have our inner demons to deal with. Spending a lot of time by yourself leaves you so vulnerable to the point where you find yourself dealing with past trauma you didn’t even know you had. It was not until recently that I decided it was time to get therapy.

People would often see it as being weak but finally accepting that you have deep traumas and the way that you’re trying to overcome them isn’t healthy is the first step to getting better. I feel like the importance of mental health isn’t regarded as much and people will say, “just be happy, other people wish they were you.”

And the question is, what if I don’t want to be me anymore?

I would say I get anxious lately either because I’m overwhelmed with work and assignments or because I think I could do better than I already am, which often causes me to procrastinate. Writing has somehow made me feel at ease, as I can express myself better on paper than verbally as I easily lose composure and begin to cry.

I think the most challenging point was the beginning of the pandemic. I wasn’t living alone, I had gone back home and was living with my family. It was great and all but deep down I wasn’t happy with myself. I had gained weight and had a slight binge phase in which I thought eating would solve my problems. But when I realized I had gained what I perceived to be a lot of weight, I got depressed to a point that I began to starve myself thinking I was not good enough. I’m not the best at opening up to people as people don’t often listen when I speak, and it feels like you’re just talking to a brick wall.

I realized I needed to get therapy when I had a really bad breakdown a few weeks ago. I felt broken… lost. People do check in on me and I always say ‘I’m great, never better, cause I’m always seen as this happy carefree girl that has her life together but in reality, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.

I would say since I started therapy I’ve felt better mentally and emotionally. I’m still struggling but I hope I get better. Saying you go to therapy shouldn’t be something to be embarrassed about, you should be proud that you want to get better and truly be happy with life. Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re a drug addict or a sex addict. Sometimes you need a hand to understand why you feel the way you feel, and google doesn’t have all the answers.

Post lockdown, it feels like my anxiety levels are constantly fluctuating and suffering from FOMO by constantly accepting every invitation and feeling exhausted the moment I get there. As an introvert, it’s been quite hard to balance my energy levels and how much I’m willing to go out and interact with people.

Many of my friends and my inner circle would consider me an extroverted ambivert, but I typically spend more time by myself.

Hopefully, this helps someone dealing with FOMO.