When people think of dating, it is often associated with cliche romance movies such as The Notebook or 10 Things I Hate About You. According to the Urban Dictionary, ‘dating is where two people who are attracted to each other spend time together to see if they also can stand to be around each other most of the time and if successful they get into a relationship.’
The moment you’re in your 20’s it’s like you are obligated to be in a long-lasting happy relationship and be married before 30 with kids and a house. In this generation, we can barely make it past the talking stage. There are several reasons why dating in your 20’s can be challenging for some or even most of us.
IS IT THE LACK OF COMMITMENT?
Being 20 in a time of influencers and social media has set high and unreachable expectations for the normal individual. We live our lives and desires through a screen and just wish to be someone we aren’t. We care more about looks and forget about who the actual person is. Like what makes you, YOU. Social media has made it appear as though we have many options when it comes to who we date as we fixate on the idea of that person we see rather than truly knowing who they are.
People then fail to commit to any possible relationship that comes their way as they feel that they are not capable of being loved or giving love just because they don’t look or act in a certain way. We truly wish it was easier than this, but it isn’t.
However, the main reason people say they can’t commit is due to heartache from a previous relationship as they do not want to experience that kind of pain again and therefore choose casual flings with no strings attached. People often resort to dating sites such as Tinder or Bumble, as most people on the sites just want casual affairs for when they’re bored. For others, they don’t feel like one person can truly satisfy them or match them as both an individual and a partner with the hopes that going on multiple dates will fix that.
Using dating apps eventually becomes addictive as they become a serial dater. Some people begin to only seek validation, whether that be compliments or casual intimacy; it’s almost like a drug at that point.
THE POSSIBILITY OF A SITUATIONSHIP?
You could consider yourself in a situationship if one of you in the ‘relationship’ wants to finally add a label and be official while the other person only cares about casual flings. Signs you’re in a situationship is that you’ve been talking for over six months and still don’t know where you stand in the ‘relationship’. You most likely only see each other on weekends in the evening, at his place drinking wine and watching Netflix, and we all know what happens next. Somehow you think you’re finally in a relationship but it’s turned out to be a friends with benefits moment. You ignore the red flags just because he is popular, cute, and gives you some attention.
Women are more likely to find themselves in a situationship as they easily fall in love with a man or woman, even if the gesture is small. They are usually head-over-heels for the man they’re seeing even though they barely know anything about his family and friends. The only way out of a situationship is when you come to terms with yourself that you don’t truly know that person in that large time frame you spent together.
ARE YOU A SIMP IN THE RELATIONSHIP?
Another word that’s entered the world of dating would be ‘simp’. “A simp is basically someone who does way too much for someone they like,’ according to Urban Dictionary. Both men and women see simping as a weakness in one’s character and often pull back in a relationship when they feel they are doing too much for the other person. This is probably the weirdest reason people fail to date in their 20’s because they put pride over anything else.
HAVE YOU BEEN FRIEND ZONED?
The friendzone is seen as the sidelines, he/or she didn’t necessarily say no, and neither did they say yes to fully being in a relationship with. you’re okay with it because you still think you have a chance with them when in reality you don’t. One of Tai’s lines in Clueless speaks for most of us; “If I’m too good for him, then how come I’m not with him”. The reason the friendzone can be a problem is the idea of hoping this person we chase after will have validation for us but have eyes for another.
DATING ISN’T FOR EVERYONE OR IS IT?
Something people forget is room for self-love and self-improvement. We don’t need to be in a relationship to feel wanted or loved. The reason some relationships don’t work the way we want them to is that we barely know how to love and accept ourselves for who we are; all the flaws and other small things that make us who we are.
We spend time looking for something instead of growing as a person, cause at the end of it all not everyone has their life all planned out in their 20’s. We all make mistakes and aren’t perfect but that’s what makes us special to the person who falls in love with us. I think we all have someone out there for us.
